Breathe
by Randi Myers
Summary: A year after Hoyt


Based on the song Breathe by Lucy Spraggan, I own nothing but the idea that this song would make an awesome RI story, Lucy Spraggan is a wonderful singer/songwriter from the UK, if you haven't heard of her, find her on Apple Music or YouTube. Amazing ..So, I don't own anything at all but the story in my head..RI is own by Tess G. and The song is Lucy Spraggan's, love her

So much can change in a year  
I have different fears  
I find I'm sorry a little less  
I'm mostly scared of my brain  
And things it can't explain  
I can't handle a little stress

I woke with a start, finding Maura watching me, her eyes locked on my face. "Are you alright Jane, a nightmare? was it Hoyt?" I hated that Maura just knew, but the nightmares came few and far between, but when they did come, they were hard on me.  
"Yeah, but I'm alright, go back to sleep Maura, I'm fine and you have an early day tomorrow." I got up and went to the bathroom and got a drink of water. I looked in the mirror, then washed my face, pulled off my sweat-drenched tee shirt, and walked to the dresser and pulling out a fresh tee-shirt out to put on.

"Do you want to talk about it?", I jumped and clutched my chest, "Geeze Maur, you scared the crap out of me!".

"Language, Jane and I'm sorry, you know I can't fall back asleep unless you're in our bed."

We've all done things we're ashamed of tell me what you're afraid of  
Wear it with pride  
We've all done things we're ashamed of tell me what you're afraid of  
I'll tell you mine

I slipped under the covers and pulled Maura close, resting my head on her shoulder, my face turned into her neck, breathing in her scent. That's all it took sometimes, breathing in Maura's lavender soap and shampoo, along with her own scent, it calmed and grounded me, it always had, as I mumbled a thank you and I love you, Maura.

I've been afraid to breathe  
We are alive, we are alive  
Breathe  
We are alive, we are alive

It happened, this love and commitment to each other after Charles Hoyt tried for the third time to kill me and Maura. I was okay with Hoyt coming after me, but throw Maura in the mix, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't allow Maura to be raped, or worse by Hoyt and his prison guard/apprentice, so I did what I had to do, knocked out the guard, grabbed a scalpel and killed Hoyt by stabbing him in the heart.

I used to be scared of spiders  
Now I'm scared of what's inside us  
And how well we hide it  
I tend to worsen anxieties with my lack of sobriety  
I'm my own worst enemy

I'd never admitted to being less than the badass detective with the swagger that most other cops aspired to be. I knew the rumors that swirled around the precinct about me and Maura, how we were sleeping together, how I watched out for Maura and followed her around like a lovesick puppy. But up until Hoyt tried to kill us, we were just best friends, except the fact that best friends didn't sleep in the same bed all the time, best friends didn't store the other's favorite beer or wine in the other's fridge or eat healthy for the other. I guess you could say that we were dating each other without being aware of it.

We've all done things we're ashamed of tell me what you're afraid of  
Wear it with pride  
We've all done things we're ashamed of tell me what you're afraid of  
And I'll tell you mine

I knew I was head over heels in love with Maura for the longest time, but I was afraid to tell her, to ruin the friendship we had. So, I buried those feelings, I buried them so far down wasn't sure I could pull them up anymore. Then the prison fight happened and seeing Maura helpless from being tasered to Hoyt saying he was going to have a bit of fun with Maura, suddenly I snapped, I couldn't stand to see Maura cry or being hurt.

I've been afraid to breathe  
We are alive, we are alive  
Breathe  
We are alive, we are alive

So, after all that, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, but when opened the door to my apartment, I walked into chaos, my mother threw me a "My Pretty Pony" birthday party, which by the way I never wanted, but Maura saved the day for me, she bought me a pair of racing shoes and a day of extreme driving school. I knew she loved me then and I wanted to force everyone out the door but her.

We've all done things we're ashamed of tell me what you're afraid of  
And I'll tell you mine.

When everyone was gone except for Maura, I let loose the tears I had been holding in, telling Maura that I was sorry that my boogie man was hers now, and she comforted me, telling me that I saved her and killed him. That was the worse day and the best day of my life because that was the first time we kissed, held each other and made love. OK, let's be honest, it wasn't sex until three days later, that night it was a lot of fumbling around, pain and "excuse me" and "I'm sorry" then we sort of figured out what each other liked and needed. So here we are, living together and engaged, We still work for BPD, I'm Detective Sergeant Rizzoli now and well, Maura is still the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and we're happy, so fucking happy  
I'll never learn from my mistakes but I'll give you mine and I hope you learn from them  
I've been afraid to breathe  
We are alive, we are alive  
Breathe  
We are alive, We are alive


End file.
